


Moon River

by Dreamy_Ideal



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Depression, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Loneliness, References to Depression, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 23:18:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15205658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamy_Ideal/pseuds/Dreamy_Ideal
Summary: For the past three years Yixing looked forward to coming home and tuning into the Moon River Shopping Network.





	Moon River

**Author's Note:**

> I had some sad in me, had to get it out. Hopefully you don't have any sadness too dear reader. This is an au I've had in my head for a while, I usually come to it when I'm going through my own loneliness. This is just a piece of it.

Yixing felt sick.

 

His coworkers sat at the break room table with him, chatting idly as they waited for their company mandated employee appreciation lunch to be over. They spoke to each other, but didn’t pay Yixing much mind. When Yixing tried to engage he found himself feeling worse. The knots in his stomach built until he grabbed his phone and wordlessly slipped away.

 

He hid in his car, fighting a lump in his throat. Why couldn’t he talk to people? And why did it feel like every time he opened his mouth he shouldn’t have bothered? What was he doing wrong? Why couldn’t he get this right? What was he missing?

 

He stared blankly at his phone, shivering as the hour ticked away. When he returned to the floor Jongdae looked at him, puzzled. “Where did you go?”

 

“I had a call from home I had to take,” he lied. He quickly moved away so he wouldn’t see the new tears forming in Yixing’s eyes as he remembered just how on the outside he felt sitting at that table, life moving around him without him. He felt sicker than before, stomach churning for the rest of his shift.

 

What was wrong with him?

 

\--

 

Yixing looked forward to home. Not only so he could just  _ be  _ in peace--for the most part--but because of what would greet him there. He had three packages waiting for him that day. He quickly peeled off his clothes and put on his pajamas so he could settle at his kotatsu and warm up as he opened his orders. A black ring, a red laptop case, and a lamb plushie. Yixing got up to place the lamb at the corner of his couch, smiling at it before taking the empty boxes and placing them with the dozen or so others gathered around his trash can.

 

Yixing could admit to a bit of a shopping addiction. It was a nice thing to look forward to, to know that if he kept going there was at least one something that was waiting for him. The delivery alerts he got throughout the day were welcome coming from a phone that rarely rang.

 

He checked said phone to see if he had something else on the way. Nothing. After making himself his bowl of ramen Yixing settled back in front of the TV to fix the situation.

 

“...and I think we have this in green too. Dark emerald specifically. It’s a really gorgeous color. I really like this dress shirt, I have 5 of them myself.”

 

Yixing also looked forward to coming home because of the home shopping network. Not just for the shopping, but for the face that appeared on his screen. Junmyeon.

 

For as long as Yixing had been watching the shopping network Junmyeon had been one of the main hosts on it. He couldn’t explain what it was about Junmyeon. The first time Yixing had switched on the TV just to fill the emptiness of his apartment, not intending to shop for anything. But soon after he found himself drawn away from his sobbing and to the host as he laughed and joked and promoted the goods for sale. Several hours later he called in and ordered a set of cookware he’d never use. As soon as he got it he called to thank Junmyeon for bragging about it and to say it would look nice in his kitchen, even if he would never use it.

 

They put Yixing on air that day so he could tell Junmyeon himself. Junmyeon lit up with laughter, and from then on he called as often as he could. Talking to Junmyeon, even about something as simple as whatever knickknack he ordered, was good. Talking with Junmyeon didn’t leave him feeling on the outside when he was done. And on days where nothing could ease the knot of emptiness in him Junmyeon’s voice served as a distraction. He was a bright point in his life. 

 

Yixing picked up his phone and dialed the network number that was saved to his phone. When he was connected to an operator he asked if he could have a review put on air. He was put on hold for a while, and when the operator returned he gave him the familiar spiel about what not to say on air before putting him back on hold.

 

“We have a caller!” Junmyeon smiled to Irene, his co-host for the evening before signaling for the call to be put through. Yixing mute his TV. “Hello?”

 

“Junmyeon, how are you?” Junmyeon clapped his hands together.

 

“My dear regular!” After a few months of regular calls he told Junmyeon his name but the nickname dear regular stuck. Yixing was fine with it, he liked the ‘dear’. “I’m glad you called today. I’m doing well! How are you?”

 

“Cold.” Yixing liked to hear Junmyeon laugh like he did.

 

“I feel the same! You ordered a coat a while ago, is it holding up well?”

 

“Yes, it’s as warm as you said it would be.”

 

“I’m glad. What do you have for us today?”

 

“The...the little lamb you convinced me to get.”

  
  


“It’s cuter in person right?”

 

“Much.” Yixing looked back at the fluffy toy. “I have it on my couch. It makes the room better.”

 

“A good piece can bring a room together, even a doll. I have one too, it’s on my bed.” His expression in response to the look Irene gave him made Yixing chuckle. “It brings the room together,” Junmyeon said again, and Irene just put her hands up and nodded.

 

“I hope you stick around with us, dear regular.” Yixing frowned.

 

“Where would I go?”

 

“You haven’t heard the news?”

 

“No. What?”

 

Irene looked back to Junmyeon, who smiled sadly. Yixing felt his stomach sinking. “This will be my last show here on Moon River.”

 

Yixing went on autopilot. He didn’t know what he said before he got off the phone, he just had to hang up, turn off the TV. He covered his mouth, a curse held back as his eyes began to tear up for the umpteenth time that day.

 

Junmyeon had just returned. That explained the gap in his purchases; when Junmyeon came back from his vacation Yixing had been so happy just to talk to him that he’d forgotten to order anything. He’d been so utterly happy to see Junmyeon again. His weeks away had been bleak. He’d felt so empty, but he knew that Junmyeon would be coming back. But now he was leaving for good.

 

Yixing didn’t know how long he cried. He was so frustrated. The person he felt the slightest connection to was about to leave his life, and he was a TV personality. He didn’t even know what Yixing looked like. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he be normal?

 

What was missing? Why was he like this? Why couldn’t he fix it?

 

He got up, his apartment feeling too hot. He shoved his feet into his nearby slipper before sliding open his balcony door.

  
  


It was colder out than it had been that morning, flakes of snow falling lightly onto the world. Yixing slumped down into the chair on his balcony anyway. The chill on his skin was better than the overbearing loneliness within him, than the disconnection with the people around him, than his too crowded apartment stuffed with things that failed to make him feel anything for more than a fleeting moment.The cold was better than the loud silence of his apartment, felt better than the tears running down his cheek, felt better than the warmth of his bed as he spent another night up wondering if he had a place anywhere in the world where he could feel okay. If he ever would. Yixing began to shiver. It felt better than just giving up. He sighed, his breath marking the air.

 

“Yixing? Are you out here in your pajamas?” Yixing looked towards where he heard the voice. It was one of the aunties that lived across from him. She looked back at him with a worried expression. “Go back inside, you’ll get sick.” He quickly did as he was told, hoping she didn’t see his tears. Back inside he curled up into his bed, turning on the TV to counter all of his noisy, restless thoughts.

 

“This bag is never coming back when it goes, and it is going to go quick!” Junmyeon’s cheerful voice brought about more tears. What would he do without him?

 

\--

 

He would keep going.

 

Yixing hit his snooze three times before finally rolling out of bed. As he hurried to work he remembered his gloves but forgot his ear muffs. His ears were burning cold by the time he reached the grocery store. Minseok was out that day and his coworkers decided that meant a faux day off for them, leaving Yixing to pick up their slack. He was so busy that he missed his breaks and his lunch, only stealing five minutes for himself in the afternoon to choke down an energy bar. He dragged himself home after a 10 hour shift exhausted but frankly grateful for all the work. The day passed by quickly. Now it could be over.

 

He showered and made himself ramen before settling down at his kotatsu. After turning on his TV he readied his phone like always until he remembered: no Junmyeon. The smile that unconsciously worked its way onto his face fell.

 

“...now these earrings are only for pierced ears, but if you have them these would be a beautiful addition to your collection.”

 

The new voice was a warm, bright one. The screen displayed a shot of the earrings--Yixing wore the same one a few days ago--for a few seconds before cutting back to the new face in the studio. He had a smile that matched his voice. Inviting, happy. Yixing stared at him for a few beats before carefully picking up his phone. 

 

“I have a review for those earrings.” The operator put him in the usual holding pattern. After a bit of that she checked for permission to be put on air and he quickly gave it. 

 

“Oh, there’s a review!” The new face looked over to Irene standing off to the side, who gestured for it to be put through to them. Yixing mute his TV as soon as he heard the hello. 

 

“Good evening.”

 

“Oh, it's our regular! Good evening!” The new face looked at her with wide eyes, then back to the camera.

 

“Our regular?  _ The _ regular?” Yixing laughed softly. 

 

“Am I infamous?”

 

“Junmyeon did tell me about you! I didn't think I'd get to hear from you so soon! I think this a good sign, have I won your favor already?” Yixing’s laugh was louder. He pressed a hand over his eyes, embarrassed with no eyes on him. “What's your name, my dear regular?”

 

He uncovered his eyes to look at the TV screen. The man looked back at him, beaming. “Yixing.”

 

“Yixing! I'm Baekhyun. Please take care of me.”

 

“Isn't that more something I should say to you?”

 

“Nope, I have it right! So you already own these earrings? How do you like them?”

 

“I really like them. My ears are sensitive, but this earring didn’t irritate them. And they look nice.”

 

“You get a lot of compliments when you’re wearing them right? Ah, look at Yixing in those earrings, so handsome.”

 

“Nothing like that,” Yixing denied through his laughter. On screen Baekhyun was laughing as well, at least right up until he saw Irene signalling to him. Another caller.

 

“I’m happy that you like them. And that you called! I look forward to hearing from you  again Yixing.” Baekhyun waved at the camera. Yixing waved back.

 

“You’ll do well Baekhyun.” The line cut back to a customer service operator. He ordered the same pair of earrings in gold. They’d reach him by Thursday.

 

\--

 

Yixing only just got comfortable when the delivery woman arrived. He was taken back by what he saw in her hand. “You were expecting something right?”

 

He was, and she had the package that had to be his earrings in her hands. But she also had a large envelope in her grip. Yixing nodded and and hurried to them from her so he could stare dumbfounded at the envelope without holding her up. The package was abandoned on his kotatsu. He never got letters.

 

Carefully he opened the envelope. Inside of it was a creamy white card with black wording. A wedding invitation. The honor of his presence was requested at the marriage of Oh Sehun and Kim Junmyeon.

 

Junmyeon. His Junmyeon?

 

There was more sitting inside of the envelope. He pulled out a folded piece of paper, along with two pictures. It was his Junmyeon. He was staring contentedly at the camera, his head resting on the shoulder of who Yixing guessed was Sehun. The next was a picture of them both in tuxedos, standing hand in hand. Junmyeon was looking at Sehun, smiling so widely that his cheeks pushed up and made his eyes look like they were shut. Sehun looked back at him with the same peaceful, happy look he wore in the first photo.

 

Carefully Yixing put the photos on the couch and lowered himself to sit.

 

_ My dear regular Yixing! _

 

_ I hope this letter reaches you! I think I will have to break at least 20 rules to find out how to get it to you, but if you’re reading this it was a success! Please don’t worry, I didn’t ask for any information, only that they send the letter to you. _

 

_ I couldn’t talk about it on air, but I got married when I was away! I’m leaving because my husband (that feels so nice to write, my husband) was offered a job in Germany. Germany! I don’t know any German! But if it’s for my husband I will go and say ja to everything. _

 

_ I told him that I wanted to write to you about this and he thought it was a little strange. He said you’re just a customer. But, to me, you were such a constant part of my three years as a host. We talked at least once a week. Once a week for three years, I don’t talk to members of my family that much. I don’t think we could do that and not be able to consider ourselves friends, do you? And you were a good friend. I have to confess, there were times where your call was the light of my day. I hope I brought some light into your life too. _

 

_ I remember your very first call in. You said I looked nervous the first time you saw me on TV, and that you would cheer me on. I’m cheering you on too. Let’s be happy in life. If you’re ever in Germany look me up. We’ll eat sausage together! Or find out what they eat in Germany together. _

 

Yixing put the letter to the side so he didn’t ruin the paper with his tears. Junmyeon...considered him a friend. Thought enough of him to send him an invitation, even though the date had passed. Thought to share his happiness. Not just considered him more than nothing, but thought of him as a light.

 

_ Let’s be happy in life. _

 

He got up suddenly, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand. Yixing gathered his coat and his bag and made his way back into the cold of the world.

 

When he returned he placed the pictures inside of the photo frames he bought. After some deliberation he hung the pictures close to the door, something to look at as he went out every day. He stared at them a moment.

 

“Congratulations Junmyeon.”

 

Yixing retired to the dark, deafening silence of his bedroom. He turned on his radio and burrowed under his blankets. He fell asleep to thoughts of Germany. What did they eat there? Maybe he’d keep going long enough to find out.

**Author's Note:**

> There's a happier version of this fic I'll write one day. Maybe Yixing and Junmyeon will get to eat bratwurst together in Germany one day.


End file.
